Sydney Property Market Finally Stalls; Rest of Australia Enjoys 30 Seconds of Schadenfreude Before Checking Own Rent

National

Sydney Property Market Finally Stalls; Rest of Australia Enjoys 30 Seconds of Schadenfreude Before Checking Own Rent

NATIONAL — In a stunning reversal of the natural order, new property data has revealed that home values in Sydney and Melbourne have completely flatlined, while mid-sized capitals like Perth and Brisbane continue to surge.

For the first time in modern history, a young couple in Sydney can look at a damp, unrenovated terrace in the inner-west and know that it will cost exactly the same astronomical, life-ruining amount today as it did last Tuesday.

Meanwhile, residents in Perth, who saw a staggering 2.3% price jump in February alone, are reportedly setting up GoFundMe campaigns just to afford a deposit on a freestanding letterbox.

"We call it a 'two-speed' market," explained property analyst Tim Lawless. "Basically, Sydney has run out of people wealthy enough to buy houses, while the rest of the country is aggressively trying to catch up to their level of financial despair. It's the great Australian dream in action."