It’s about time my tax dollars were used to turn my morning coffee run into a high-stakes psychological thriller. I’ve already started hitting my marks on the CBD pavement. I make sure to give a manic, high-definition wink to every utility pole I pass—just in case "Producer" Constable Smith is bored behind his monitor at the precinct.

My morning routine now involves yelling "Good morning, Coffs Harbour! And in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!" into the void, though I know now that it is indeed not a void, but a real life soundstage.

It’s comforting to know that if I trip over a curb, I’m no longer a "clumsy pedestrian"—I’m "content." Why worry about silly 20th-century concepts like "privacy" when you can have the soothing glow of a motion-sensor spotlight following you like a lead actor on a soundstage? I’m just waiting for the Council to release the season highlights so I can see if my character arc involves getting a parking ticket in 4K.

Remember, neighbors: stay in frame, watch the lighting, and for heaven's sake, don't try to sail past the Solitary Islands. You might hit the wall of the dome. Keep those cameras rolling. I’m ready for my close-up (and my inevitable interrogation).