THE BANANA PEEL

Old Coffs Council Building Hits Market; Real Estate Agent Plays Up 'Authentic Bureaucratic Aura'

COFFS HARBOUR — The former Coffs Harbour City Council administration building at 2 Castle Street has officially hit the market, with local real estate agents opting for a bold strategy: marketing the property’s crushing sense of institutional bureaucracy as a premium feature.

Since the council vacated the premises in 2023 for the shiny new Yarrila Place, the 1983-built double-storey block has sat empty, costing ratepayers over $264,000 a year just to keep the lights on and the air conditioning humming for absolutely no one.

Now, instead of hiding the building's past, selling agents are heavily leaning into it.

"This isn't just a 3,000-square-metre block with 45 underground carparks," said lead agent Bryce Cartwright during an exclusive walk-through. "This is a turnkey ecosystem of deferred decisions. You can literally feel the palpable energy of thousands of rejected development applications vibrating in the walls. You can't buy that kind of heritage."

Cartwright pointed out the unique architectural features, including the "Aisle of Infinite Scope Creep" and a corner office perfectly optimized for holding meetings that could have easily been emails.

"For the right buyer—perhaps an IT project manager who misses the comforting hum of a doomed stakeholder alignment session—this place is a sanctuary," Cartwright noted, gesturing to a fluorescent light fitting that has been flickering since 1997.

The listing describes the property as a 'warm shell', a term Cartwright insists is not just a building classification, but a "lifestyle promise."

"It's zoned for up to 13 storeys," he added. "But frankly, we're hoping a buyer keeps the original charm. The carpet still holds the scent of instant Moccona and the subtle, lingering dread of an impending audit."

Council is reportedly hoping the sale will finally stop the quarter-of-a-million-dollar annual bleed, funds they have promised to reallocate toward fixing exactly one pothole on the Pacific Highway.