Australian Manufacturing is Back: Nation Pivots from Making Holdens to Long-Range Missiles
ADELAIDE — In a massive win for domestic sovereignty, the Federal Government has proudly announced that Guided Multiple Launch Rocket Systems (GMLRS) are now rolling off a South Australian production line, officially replacing the Holden Commodore as the nation's most aggressive export.
With global supply chains looking shaky, Defence officials decided it was time to start making our own high-explosive ordnance, ensuring we don't have to rely on international shipping when we need to defend the coastline.
"For too long, we've bought our weapons off the shelf, waiting years for delivery," said a Defence spokesperson. "Retooling the defunct VF production line to develop the missiles was a no-brainer. We knew that the tolerances and technology required for the weapons would be on par with the old Holden standards."
When asked about concerns that such missiles could find their way into the escalating conflict in the Middle East, Defence Minister Richard Marles deflected the question, instead electing to promote this as a huge win for domestic manufacturing "We can proudly say these missiles are certified 'Australian Made'. They come with a four-year warranty and a complimentary green-and-gold kangaroo sticker. I don't think you get the same sort of quality in an Iranian-made Fattah hypersonic missile."
Locals are reportedly thrilled with the updated high-rate facility, noting that a precision strike missile capable of hitting a target 70 kilometres away is exactly the kind of innovation needed amid heightening tensions.
"Mate, even if the weapons sport control surfaces made from repurposed Monaro doors and we occassionally tip the projectile with a Holden Lion badge that was left behind on the plant floor, domestic manufacturing is back, baby!" exclaimed missle guidance designer, Timford Blue, who previously designed the infotainment systems for Holden.